Want An Ugly Girlfriend Please

Want An Ugly Girlfriend Please

Hey if there are some really ugly girls out there please know that I want you. To be my gf. For real yall.

Y would you ever want to do that? "You must be being ironic", u r saying to yourself right now.

But I'm not. I want an ugly gf. Like a 5.0 or a 4.0. No hot girls please.

OK I don't want an ugly gf because if I really did want one I would have one.


BUT when I see some bros with their ugly, fugly, or completely boring looking girls I am jealous.


I think to myself, they must be really secure with themselves, and also I bet they have like the most peaceful life.

Because really hot, sexy girls are, in general, trouble. Like there was this Smmmmokin hot girl Helen I was dating, and it turned out she was married, and then her husband went all apeshit on me, and you know he's Greek so you know how that's going to go. He and like a thousand of his homies got in their boats and murdered I don't know how many of my homies and then we were fighting for years.

Wait I'm trippin that didn't happen to me. But it did happen thousands of years ago, to dudes that weren't even myspacing yet.

But my point is this:
Really hot and sexy girls are big time trouble. A lot of times I'll be on the phone or texting with one, about to figure out the logistics of how and where to meet, knowing I'll probably have sex.
But I bow out. Because they're too much trouble to put up with. Why? That's a good question, I'm glad you axed:

WHY HOT GIRLS ARE MORE TROUBLE THAN THEY'RE WORTH

1. Attitude
2. Drama Inherent
3. Constant Competition
4. Physical Security
5. Lack of Intelligence / Consciousness

Attitude

If you grow up and everyone is always giving you what you want, and agreeing with you, and nodding their heads, and not giving you tickets when you're drunk driving with an open bottle of Stoli in one hand and an eight ball of something in the other hand driving backwards down a one-way straight over small children then u start to think you can get anything you want.
And you talk to people as if you can.
This is called "attitude." AKA "sense of entitlement." It can wear on yr nerves.

Drama Inherent

Really hot girls are used to being the center of attention. If they're not, much like a young child, or a grown man with a drug problem, they will do bad things to get attention. This may include crying over nothing, starting arguments, yelling, getting involved with gang activity, tattoos, clothing removal, flirting with strange men so that bar fights will ensue, etc.
Some of these things are fun. But not for longer than about ten minutes.

Constant Competition

I like competition as much as the next guy. I'm cool with it. I don't trip if I see my girl getting chatted up by some douchebag with a trucker cap on. It's all good. I know what kind of girl she is when I meet her - if she's loyal, the chat is going to end one way. If she's trampy, then she was never mine to begin with and as long as I hit it one time I'm ok with letting her fly.

There's something about knowing your game always has to be tight though. If you slip, the hot girl in yr life has a constantly expanding rolodex of bros that she can call at will. And those bros are waiting in the wings with baited breath that's for sure. Every day when yr hot girl goes to the mailbox or the grocery store or to church or to the kitchen, there r bros. And when they say "can I help you?" or "hello, how are you?" or "omg do you need me to call an ambulance b/c yr having a stroke?" what they really mean is

"Do you want some dick?"

Physical Security

Let's face it. Hot girls can be annoying but dudes r no angels either. Sometimes they rape girls. Or kidnap them, or worse. Even girls that are substandard are at risk, but the hotter they are, and the younger they are, the more dangerous it is for them.
So if u r with a hot girl, letting her walk to the store alone is sometimes not a great idea. You have to man up a hell of a lot more and walk with her everywhere. Bottom line rapists stalk all women, but if they see a 10 they're going to aim high unless they see she has a protector with her, or if they sense she's strong enough to be a problem.
Sometimes you have to take lumps behind a fight or two, even if they're not with rapists and chesters. That's just life, but it can get old. If you're out somewhere, and you're on that aggro shit, having everyone check out yr girlfriend is a problem. What are you going to do, challenge everyone with what r u looking at? Ugly girls you don't have anything to worry about. Nobody cares lol.

Lack of Intelligence / Consciousness

This might be the most problematic. In general the hotties don't ever need to develop a good personality or have any depth of character, or explore what the nature of consciousness is. This equals some pretty uncool situations and lack of conversation, and implies the next logical question:
Is dating someone that's vapid the same as dating someone with mental handicaps? Because the latter we can all agree is wrong. But the former...well it's happening everywhere right now.
I have been blessed to meet two beautiful curvy young girls who absolutely loved Sartre. So of course there is an exception to every rule. But how often do you catch some hottie listening to NPR? Sadly, it's usually Flo-Rida and all his lyrical glory.